but don’t take my word for it…
Author Archive for mantas
In a surprise move, the yet unrecorded album “dollas and $tripe$” by up and coming rapper G. Mooms has been claimed for production by the omega-corporation Mantz Inc.
Coming Summer 200X
obscureporn.com is looking for an entry-level intern to assist with web design and production. The ideal candidate would be someone with both design and web experience, who is good at multi-tasking and has an interest in the obscure news scene. You will be working on the following:
- Web design and production
- Page customisation
- Ad integration on obscureporn.com (getting them to work, getting people to click on them, etc.)
- Marketing collateral/reviewing brand placement
- Working on the obscureporn.com site
Requirements
- Design knowledge/theory
- Adobe CS3
- Basic CSS/HTML – enough to edit/customise a page area
- Web savvy; you use social networks, aware of the web 2.0 space
- The desire to spend a Summer in a Washington D.C. suburb
- obscureporn.com reader, with something that passes for music taste
Environment
- We will provide you with a room in Takoma Park, MD, minutes from Washington D.C.
- You will be working on an old Dell computer
- Hours are flexible
- Stipend depends on the generation of traffic and ad revenue, though this is primarily an unpaid internship
- Food and entertainment will be provided from time to time
Send your CV and a sample of your work/live URL to jobs@obscureporn.com with the subject line “Web Design Intern”. Only potential candidates will be contacted.
i made an obscure porn themed desktop. take a look.
This site is dead. I know, it sucks. it had such potential. Well, not really.
We kind of went in the wrong direction from our original idea of a site based entirely off of the traffic from people looking for creepy fetish pornography. Not that we get much of a direction with that base, but it also gives us the freedom to write about anything we want.
But somehow, even with an audience that expects nothing and no restrictions we managed to fuck this up. Here are the problems we have, as I see them:
- A Terrible Layout: Sorry Hysen, but this layout truly is awful. It dies going toward the right, it is ugly busy, and really just looks like one of the template site designs from Microsoft Front Page 2000. It makes me not want to visit the site. I do like the purple and white, however. It just wasn’t implemented well. This link gives a pretty straightforward tutorial for making a nice layout, but I’m not Photoshop savvy enough to get past step 6.
- No Recurring Authors: All of the writers who used to write now just, well, don’t. I don’t understand why people decided to hold themselves to deadlines and schedules. No one fucking cares that your article came out a day late. Just write. It’s entertaining when it comes. We aren’t thinking about it when it’s not there.
So.
Ben, start writing again. I don’t care how often.
Eric, I expect your opinion of political conditions because we are in the middle of what could be the next big anal penetration for America. Also tell me who to vote for, and why other people are dumb.
Cole, this may only be for me and a select few, but tell me what is going on in the tech world.
Shaggy, i dunno man, just do what you do.
Stamm, quotes if you must, or write some original content. Superheroes? Ben is working on the talk show, so the topic is open for you.
Hyder, stocks.
Nick, you are our bbc.
Pawel, write about being lazy.
Vadis, I heard yo expressed interest in actually reviewing weird porn. Go for it
Also, if anyone wants to do anything else or not do anything at all, go ahead. This is for our own entertainment anyway. If the site stays dead, it’s a shame. We have too many good people.
The Translocator: The translocator was originally created by the Liandri Mining Corporation to allow the workers to be able to escape in the event of a cave in. The translocator is a disc, that fits into a launcher and can be launched in for a great distance in any direction.
Pros: This gun can be fire fired anywhere, and with a little clever use of physics can allow the user to a very wide range of transport. As the translocator forcibly places the person in the area of the disc, anything else that is there is vaporized. This makes the translocator a somewhat unique weapon. The translocator can be opened anywhere (in midflight, under water, in a teleport, etc..), allowing the user to hop around quickly.
Cons: The translocator can only be used by the person wielding it, and it is a one way trip. To get back, the disc must be relaunched. The translocator has a terrible aversion to a person carrying a flag while using it. It looks ugly as all hell.
The Portal Gun: The portal gun is a hand held device produced by the Aperture Science Center. This gun can fire two “portals”, one orange and one blue, that open a gateway between each other. It can pick up and carry objects.
Pros: After the portal ends are set, anything and anyone can go through them. Single ends of the portal can be manipulated independently of each other, which coupled with the fact momentum of objects is conserved through the portal, allows the user to propel themselves wherever they please (this of course, takes a certain amount of skill and a high tolerance for pain). It is aesthetically appealing
Cons: Because the portal gun is so contrary to our perception of physics, it is very easy to mess up while using it. VERY EASY. The user has to have a visible line between them and the desired portal position, which makes portal placement limited. In addition, the portal itself is a passive and nonviolent entity, even though it could be used indirectly for violent purposes (such as dropping blocks on people, making them fall until they reach terminal velocity and catch fire, launching them into the sun, etc..).
Author’s choice: Both? I don’t know they both have their purposes, and having a translocator I could fire through a portal would be sweet.
To bring guests into our dorms, you need to sign them in at the front desk. Even hookers, apparently.
So my roommates had a cold, and decided the best thing to treat it would be a soda from 7-Eleven. On our way to the late night trading post, we passed through the lobby, where I saw a rather uncommon person. This girl was wearing black leather knee high boots, a black mini skirt and black shirt. She had a black purse, too. She was a woman of the night, and had been ordered by a dorm resident.
How do I know that she is a hooker and not just your average, run of the mill slut? Well, because she gave my roommate her card. That is how I know.
I suppose this means that hooker season is now upon us, and we will see a multitude of street walkers in the days to come.
I need someone to make me a 125 x 125 Obscure Porn link icon, so I can link to it from my site.
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