Because you can't find it anywhere else

Category: Things That Are Awesome

Movie Review: Death Race 2

I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes.  Yes, there is a Death Race 2.  Yes, it is a sequel to a remake, and yes, it takes place BEFORE the first one.  Yes, it’s direct-to-DVD.  Yes, it stars Danny Trejo, and yes, it’s in a supporting role.  Yes, it also has Ving Rhames and the guy who played 006.  Yes, of course I watched it.  And yes, it is exactly as bad as you think it is.  In fact, pretty much everything about it is hilariously bad.  The premise of the movie is basically “CARS + EXPLOSIONS + RACIAL STEREOTYPES = WIN”.  The combination of retarded writing and retarded acting make for a lot of laugh-out-loud moments.  Also, every time a car crashes, it explodes improbably.  And the best line of dialogue is “HAHAHA I JUST FUCKED YO ASS!!!”  Seriously, why are you not watching this movie right now??

Movie Review: Cleaner


After watching the movie Cleaner, I am left with a couple of questions.

1) Why haven’t I heard of this movie before?
2) Why does it have an 18% rating on rotten tomatoes?

Cleaner is a thriller film that stars Samuel L. Jackson and Eva Mendes, and it was released in 2007. That might answer my first question, since there was another movie that came out in 2007 with a very similar title.

Now, while Samuel L. Jackson is not Cedric the entertainer, and Eva Mendes is not Nicolette Sheridan (seriously?), it’s understandable that someone could get these two movies confused, considering that, judging by the number of ads I saw on TV, Cleaner had an advertising budget approximately equal to that of Grammar Team: Rebels Without a Clause, whereas Codename: The Cleaner had an ad budget that was several times greater than the sum of all the money in the world.

In any event, I have no idea what the answer to question 2 is, because this movie was actually pretty good. I’m not saying it should have won Best Picture, but the directing was good, the filmography was excellent, the actors were awesome, and the story was pretty thrilling. It was entertaining, not overly predictable, and the premise is suitably unique (Samuel L. Jackson plays a man whose job it is to clean up crime scenes). Also, there’s a decent amount of symbolism, etc. It also has Samuel L Jackson, and Eva Mendes. Plus Ed Harris, the chick from Psych, and Ricky Verona from Crank.

Did I mention Samuel L. Jackson is in this movie? Also, Eva Mendes.

OMG.

In other words, this is My Kind of Movie.