Because you can't find it anywhere else

Category: Crime

Someone's Compensating for Something

I love stories like this one. No, not because I’m a fan of anonymous gay bathroom sex, you sick freak. But because this story, about Idaho Senator Larry Craig, and similar ones, featuring this guy and this guy, are finally revealing that a common sense rule of thumb applies to American politics – the guy with the biggest car, biggest house, and, well, biggest everything, is probably compensating for something.

In this case, it takes the form of family values. Why is it that the latest three Congressional sex scandals have involved not just Republicans, whose party declares family values as one of its main issues, but the select Republicans who made family values their main issues. According to Wikipedia, “In the House, [Mark] Foley was one of the foremost opponents of child pornography.” He then proceeded to solicit cyber-sex with teenage Congressional pages. Next up, David “Vitter believes strongly that marriage is a sacred vow between a man and a woman. In 2003, Vitter proposed to amend the U.S. Constitution to ban same sex marriages.” Turns out the real threat to his marriage was a prostitute.

Finally, we come to my favorite, good old Larry Craig. Wikipedia says “Craig supported the Federal Marriage Amendment, which barred extention of rights to same-sex couples; he voted for cloture on the amendment in both 2004 and 2006. Craig voted against cloture on a in 2002 which would have extended the federal definition of hate crimes to cover sexual orientation.” Take a minute to let that soak in. First, he supported denying basic marriage rights to gays. Alright, fairly standard of many Republicans. But beyond that, he voted against labeling crimes against gays as hate crimes. Now for the kicker – he’s been dealing with allegations of being gay (and seeking sex with Congressional pages and random passerby) for over 25 years!

Now I stress that these are just allegations. Everyone, including (alleged) scumbags like these, has a right to due process. And I’m not saying that Democrat’s can’t be scum either. But these guys are just dumb. I’ll leave Foley and Vitter out of it for now, but let’s take a closer look at Larry Craig.

The man was arrested by an undercover police officer on June 11th. He didn’t plead guilty until August 8th. AUGUST EIGHTH! TWO FREAKING MONTHS! So once the guilty plea made the news this week, what was his response? I quote, “I chose to plead guilty to a lesser charge in the hope of making it go away. I did not seek any counsel, either from an attorney, staff, friends, or family. That was a mistake, and I deeply regret it.”

You’re a UNITED STATES SENATOR – one of the most powerful men in the country. You have been a crusader against gay rights for years, while simultaneously dealing with allegations of improper homosexual conduct. So after being arrested for allegations of improper homosexual conduct, with two months to think about what you’re going to do, you think that this type of thing will just “go away?” And you think that pleading guilty will make it go away faster?

For the sake of argument, let’s assume this guy is 100% innocent and did make a mistake by pleading guilty. Even if that’s the case, Senator Craig has given the voters of Idaho a crystal-clear reason not to send him back to Washington if he chooses to seek reelection in 2008 – HE’S A MORON.

Or maybe Idahoans will reelect Craig, to keep this (alleged) twisted hypocrite hundreds of miles away in Washington, and the hell out of their state.

Cheating Made Easy

So the other day I went to a magic act. The venue was a darkened room, it was about the size of a hallway. The paint on the walls was chipping, and the floor was concrete. There was a single table at the end. A shadeless bulb hung over the table, illuminating it. The whole time I was wondered if this was an elaborate act to get random people into an isolated area to mug them. I’m sure there was at least one pickpocket among them.

This was an act specifically based on deception with playing cards, and the table was where the example card games would be played. There weren’t even chairs for watching. The audience (of 4 people) stood.

The illusionist was a 40-something guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt and slacks. He seemed out of place. He began talking some card history and handed some decks out to be shuffled. He started off with a small demo of 3 Card Monte. Being an amateur Monte practitioner, I was intrigued. Even though I knew exactly what he was doing, he managed to trick me. At one point the cards even changed. He was wearing short sleeves. I decided this guy was legit.

After that he got to the fun parts. He would take a shuffled deck, shuffle it a few times, and have the audience call out random cards that he would then whip out of the deck without looking at the card faces. At one point through his casual shuffling, he had arranged the entire deck into an order he had memorized. This is all basically an introduction to me talking about something completely different.

The book this guy learned all of his crazy mind games from a book called The Expert at the Card Table by S. W. Erdnase. Erdnase isn’t a real person, and nobody knows who it really was. I believe he was a ninja. Anyway, the book gives detailed info on how to pull off slight of hand tricks for use with any card game that involves….cards. So it is useful.

Now I know what most of you are going to say.

“Why would I shell out $8 for a potentially life changing skill set?” Because it gets you girls, thats why.

“If this book is so good, why doesn’t everyone know about it?” Because it is old. Over a century old, in fact. I guess people forgot about it.

“If it’s so old, how could it possibly apply?” Because card games still use cards.

“Wont other people knowing about this negate my ability to use the slight of hand?” No, because even if you know how to use the techniques, they are so good that even professionals can not see them. WHAT YOU SAY? Yes, that’s right. They are so perfect, they can not even be seen by the people who apply them.

So go out and read this book guys. Next week we can have a poker game.


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