I hate Bradford Howe.
You know, Bradford Howe. That guy who hosts the ads before the previews start when you go to see a movie.
Oh, you mean this guy?
Yeah, that guy. Doesn’t he suck?
You know, I’ve never really thought about it before.
Well don’t think, just know. He sucks. A lot.
Oh, fine, now you want reasons. Maybe next you’ll want articles that don’t involve me pretending to talk to myself. Fine, here you go.
Reasons I Hate Bradford Howe
- How hard is it to wear a freakin’ tie?
- Where the hell is his set supposed to be? I mean seriously – it’s based on the logo of an advertising company! Is there anything that could possibly be less interesting than a set based on the logo of an advertising company nobody likes?
- Play some better commercials. If I have to see that “The Apple in Your Eye” or The Coca-Cola Refreshing Filmmaker Award crap again, someone’s legs are getting broken. I’m looking at Bradford Howe.
- He’s like Ryan Seacrest, but with even less talent (Is that even possible?) and without an endearing catchphrase.
- Actually, scratch that. “Seacrest out!” is about as unendearing as possible. And please, Bradford Howe, don’t start ending your segments with “Howe Out!” I don’t think I could handle it.
- What kind of name is Bradford Howe, anyway? Is Bradford even a first name?
- No time for a seventh reason – I’m too busy hating Bradford Howe.
- He’s Canadian. Or at least he used to be a VJ at Canadian fake-MTV MuchMusic. (ObscurePorn does not hate Canadians. Just Bradford Howe. -Ed.)
- It’s impossible to find information on him online for, say, writing a hate piece about him. One of the top Google results for his name was actually a girl’s Angelfire page saying “OMGOMGOMG I MET BRADFORD HOWE!!!!111!!!ONEISUCK!!!”.
- Did I mention he sucks?
I invite the entire ObscurePorn community to add their own reasons why they hate Bradford Howe in the comments. If #9 is any indication, this post will soon be one of the top Google results for Bradford Howe, so anyone searching for him will know the truth.