Because you can't find it anywhere else

Recommendation for Vince [redacted]

To Whom It May Concern:

Vince █████ is a 90-year old bear who lives in a cave near MIT.  I would trust him with my, and several freshmen’s, lives.  Just as long as they’re not coated in honey.  However, if they are coated in honey, could you please send them over to my place instead?  My honeyjar is already about half-empty.  But anyway, back to Vince, the great thing about him is that he would probably say that my honeyjar is half-full of delicious honey for him to eat.  Admittedly, he does talk about honey a little too much, but that’s only in this recommendation.  Yeah, he’s writing this- I mean, I’m writing this, but we’re essentially the same person.  This is why I would trust him not only to guard my life, but also to live it.  In conclusion, it’s hard to overstate the importance of hiring Vince for this position.  OK, it’s not that hard, I mean I could just say something like “not hiring Vince is the leading cause of death in the Northeast.”  That sounds like hyperbole, and it is, but what isn’t hyperbole is that Vince is the leading cause of honey-related injuries in this letter.  And if that doesn’t qualify him to lead an expedition up Mt. Dew, then I don’t know what does.  Well, maybe some mountain-climbing expertise would help.  But I’m pretty sure he’s got that too- what bear doesn’t?

Vince █████ for Class Treasurer 2009,
Ben Strauss

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  1. Wow, if you’re really trying to recommend Vince for something, you screwed it up, man. The only place that’s gonna hire him now that this post comes up when you Google search “Vince █████” [ed. note- did you know we can edit other people’s comments?] is the morgue, cause his career is DEAD. Deader than Donald Trump’s hair. Deader than my feelings for your mom! DEADER THAN-
    Wait, he’s not that awesome bear about which I’ve heard so much, is he? Did you know that “llamas” rhymes with “commas”?

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