Because you can't find it anywhere else

Category: Public Advisories

Help Me Obscure Porn, You're My Only Hope

Here at Obscure Porn, we have striven to put out high quality content from day 1. However, after 13 years in the business, it’s pretty clear that this comedy thing isn’t really working out for us. Like Luke before he trains with Yoda, we just don’t have what it takes (especially since Ben Strauss went over to the dark side and started writing exclusively for the Cornell Psychopath). That is why I’m please to announce that Obscure Porn will be shifting its focus to Star Wars news and lore, effective immediately. We’ll be your one stop shop for everything happening a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, from what’s hot in Hoth to the latest decisions from the Jedi Council.

When it comes to Star Wars, this is the site you’re looking for.

edit: Drew, you aren’t welcome here.

I'm pretty sure I'm just getting trolled at this point

http://www.cracked.com/article_18757_5-things-you-wont-believe-arent-in-bible.html
It turns out, the common description of Satan, with horns and a pitchfork and all that, doesn’t actually come from the Bible. In fact, “he’s just a disembodied ghost-voice, kind of like a really evil Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

STAR WARS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS AT ALL. STAR WARS DOES NOT NEED TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS AT ALL.

Ok and to make matters worse, the comparison doesn’t even make any fucking sense. For one thing, Obi-Wan is alive during 4 or 5 of the Star Wars movies. Furthermore, (and I’m forced to guess based on pictures given in the Cracked article because I am mildly normal and not obsessed with Star Wars), it looks like, when Obi-Wan appears in the movies after his death, HE’S STILL NOT DISEMBODIED. He appears as a ghostlike slightly transparent memory thing, but he definitely has a body.

Swine Flu Tips

As you probably haven’t heard, the H1N1 strand of influenza, or “swine flu”, is the latest craze sweeping the nation. This deadly disease can kill you, ending your life and causing you to become dead, at which point you will stop living. If you are reading this, you probably already have swine flu, but in case you have been lucky enough to avoid H1N1 so far, here are some tips to help you stay healthy.

  • Swine flu has the same symptoms as regular influenza. These symptoms include coughing, sore throat, headache, fever, and tiredness.  If you are experiencing these symptoms, you probably just have the regular flu, so it’s nothing to worry about.
  • If you feel sick, make sure you go to class or work like usual. Staying home will just cause you to be cooped up in a confined space, where you’re likely to spread the disease to all your roommates.  Also, by staying home, you’ll only be contributing to a nationwide panic.  We have to return to a sense of normalcy as quickly as possible, for the sake of the economy.
  • Make sure you touch your face a lot. Your face is the primary place on your body where germs can build.  Left untouched, you could accumulate enough swine flu germs from others to cause you to become sick.  Touching your face as much as possible is the easiest way to combat this illness.
  • Shake hands with everybody. If there are 50 people in a room, and all of them have swine flu, and each one of them shakes hands with each other one, but there are no repeat handshakes, how many total handshakes will there be before everyone has died?
  • Don’t wash your hands. By now, the water supply has likely been contaminated with the H1N1 virus.  Washing your hands will only kill you faster.
  • Don’t use your hands to cover your coughs or sneezes. Using your hands to cover coughs or sneezes is likely to facilitate the spread of germs.  Instead, you should cover your mouth with other people’s hands.
  • Don’t visit obscureporn.com. That website has sooooooooooooooo many viruses.

Just remember these few tips, and you may survive long enough to see swine flu victims start to become reanimated.  Then you’re really fucked.