Dateline: August 3rd, 2007. ~2200hrs.
Messr. Georgeford issues bennifer an order.
“Sir Ben,” says he, “Consider it your bounden duty to safeguard this glass. guard it with your life, soldier. i believe in you.”
“I shall guard and/or safe it with my life,” the resilient private confirmed. he had accepted his post with courage of monumental proportions.
Ben continued to put the glass to his mouth.
“Sir! you err!” his noble friends cried, knowing this would go poorly.
Acting foolishly, Eric asked ben to “eat it.” if only he knew what events were to come.
We all looked away. we laughed, we sang, we cried.
suddenly,
a drop of blood.
the tinkle of glass.
cries of profanity and confusion.
“prithee, BEN! what has occurred<interrobang>” said the greatest of those present, one Sir Shaagnik, an enormous example of magnanimous majesty.
but we all knew.
ben had bitten the glass, shattering it, along with any respect his colleagues felt for him.
as he continued to bleed for several minutes, one among he gentlemen pondered searching for “oral cut,” but they realized that would be unwelcome.
good night.
Update 10:34 PM: The bleeding continues, flow decreased. Further options considered.
Update 10:37 PM: Diego reports the bleeding has stopped. Visual confirmation required.
Update 10:39 PM: Exclusive quote from Ben: “You guys are such assholes, I swear. I’m watching you type this.”
EXCLUSIVE Update 10:46 PM: Ben says it’s still bleeding. Hardly bleeding. Could this spell a new turn in the Ben-cident saga? Time will tell…
Writing: Shagtaw, Photos: David
3 Comments
Wow you guys are really good journalists. You didn’t even finish your article. Also, just for the record, everything turned out just fine. A day later it doesn’t even hurt (actually it didn’t really ever hurt very much). Though, of course, this was a monumentally stupid thing to do. It was a youthful indiscretion and I deeply regret it. Also I would like to add to my “you guys are such assholes” comment. Here is my addition: you guys are the biggest assholes ever for letting the internet know about this. OK yeah you should take down this article.
stop being a bitch and pick up the phone. i mean yeah way to not finish the article… im not sure this was worth updating every 2 minutes (and then EXCLUSIVELY updating). but really ben this was the defining moment of your young life why do you want to take that away from the internet??
Don’t worry Ben – I hear they’re going to wrap it up with an exclusive post-ben-cident interview in the next few days.