I hate Bradford Howe.
Who?
You know, Bradford Howe. That guy who hosts the ads before the previews start when you go to see a movie.
Oh, you mean this guy?
Yeah, that guy. Doesn’t he suck?
You know, I’ve never really thought about it before.
Well don’t think, just know. He sucks. A lot.
Why?
Oh, fine, now you want reasons. Maybe next you’ll want articles that don’t involve me pretending to talk to myself. Fine, here you go.
Reasons I Hate Bradford Howe
- How hard is it to wear a freakin’ tie?
- Where the hell is his set supposed to be? I mean seriously – it’s based on the logo of an advertising company! Is there anything that could possibly be less interesting than a set based on the logo of an advertising company nobody likes?
- Play some better commercials. If I have to see that “The Apple in Your Eye” or The Coca-Cola Refreshing Filmmaker Award crap again, someone’s legs are getting broken. I’m looking at Bradford Howe.
- He’s like Ryan Seacrest, but with even less talent (Is that even possible?) and without an endearing catchphrase.
- Actually, scratch that. “Seacrest out!” is about as unendearing as possible. And please, Bradford Howe, don’t start ending your segments with “Howe Out!” I don’t think I could handle it.
- What kind of name is Bradford Howe, anyway? Is Bradford even a first name?
- No time for a seventh reason – I’m too busy hating Bradford Howe.
- He’s Canadian. Or at least he used to be a VJ at Canadian fake-MTV MuchMusic. (ObscurePorn does not hate Canadians. Just Bradford Howe. -Ed.)
- It’s impossible to find information on him online for, say, writing a hate piece about him. One of the top Google results for his name was actually a girl’s Angelfire page saying “OMGOMGOMG I MET BRADFORD HOWE!!!!111!!!ONEISUCK!!!”.
- Did I mention he sucks?
I invite the entire ObscurePorn community to add their own reasons why they hate Bradford Howe in the comments. If #9 is any indication, this post will soon be one of the top Google results for Bradford Howe, so anyone searching for him will know the truth.
6 Comments
Hey! I like it. I agree with your opinions. Though that image did kind of confuse me (I was expecting to be able to press play to learn more). But yeah keep up the good work Mr. Boss-Man!
hahahahaha yeah lets see…. I hate Bradford Howe maybe because HE ACTS LIKE SUCH A TOOL ALL THE TIME!?! I mean really it takes a special kind of spineless jerk be the incessantly annoying face of Screenvision. And yeah, seriously! “Bradford”?!?!‽ That’s not a name! What a dummy!
btw eric read the comments on the last podcast post
I hate Bradford Howe the most when I’m with people I care about who are actually laughing at him. Should I chuckle at least? How could I forgive myself afterwards? But then I’m like no Luke, they’ll still be your friends afterwards even if you don’t laugh. Keep your dignity, because if you lose that then you’ll lose your friends eventually anyway. I also saw him with a tie on once but his hair compensated by being even more retarded than usual so as to maintain homeostasis.
honestly, there’s one flaw with your argument. i think bradford is as much of a name as willford, and actor willford brimley owns the world. also maybe it’s wilferd. maybe that name does suck.
you know what’s really sad? i saw this guy today before a movie, and i was like, “who the frick is this tool?!?”… then, when he said, bradford howe, i was like WTF?! he was everyone’s favourite much music vj (canadian mtv-kinda), but he was a lot burlier and fucking hillarious. very will farrel.