Because you can't find it anywhere else

How To: Laptop Stealth

So I’ve realized some teachers actually give a shit about whether or not you are fucking around on your laptop in class. To catch people who are off task, the TAs/minions will lazily walk around the room, looking at peoples monitors. I am here to show you a few way to easily avoid being caught, while maintaining the ability to do whatever you want.

If you are a Mac user, you can download Nocturne, a cool program that will make the rest of this guide simple.

Preparatory  steps:

– Sit away from an aisle, or the direct back of the class if the TAs walk around there.

– Turn your sound off.

Step 1. Turn down your screen brightness. Seems obvious. It will make it much harder for someone not directly in front of the computer to see  what is happening on the screen. Nocturne can be set to automatically lower the screen brightness whenever it is used.

Step 2. Stay away from color. Color is what gives you away, and what people

look for when they focus on something. Not having a colorful screen will leave the TA without enough reason to call you out. Nocturne will automatically monochrome and invert the color on your display.

Step 3. Don’t watch movies. Peripheral vision is best suited for catching motion, so it will grab the attention of anyone scanning the room. Plus, movies need sound, and having your speakers or headphones is suspicious.

Stamm's Quote of the Week (9/10/07)

Ok so I believe this was originally said by Mohandas Gandhi, and you know if I’m wrong then whatever I don’t really care.  It’s not as important who said it as what was said.  This quote speaks a little to the problem of self-centeredness.

“Your problem is that you need bigger problems”

– Gandhi

Last Hope for Humanity

We know the zombacolypse /z??m?b?? k.??.l?ps/ is coming, that debate has long passed. We also know that I possess a higher knowledge of undead interaction than the general public*. For this reason, I implore OP readers to pitch in** and buy me the shirt from this site, you will know which one. Or, just get it for me that badass and time-consuming IPA version of zombacolypse. Talk to me for info on where to have it sent.

* I know you guys are trained well in the zombie curriculum I set out for you, but i haven’t seen the near insane zeal towards zombie preparation in you guys that people tell me I have.

** Erk, why don’t we have a Donation button? Ugh, just buy the shirt directly amongst yourselves and have it sent to me.

Warning: Schemes

Man, I am very into coming up with awesome ideas, but being unable to carry them to fruition.

[1:20] <Mantas> help me think of some of the stuff we did
[1:20] <Mantas> the crazy plans
[1:21] <Mantas> that never got finished
[1:21] <Grog> there are so many
[1:21] <Grog> nigh-infinity

Let’s have a list of some of the ones I remember:

Cookies for everyone funding, ninja outfits, making our own coca cola, graffiti, making an AIM AI with a true personality, Parkour, 3D Pool, “Grammar Team vs. The Murder Monkey”, making a 3 foot ballista capable of firing a ping pong ball into a brick wall, Bacon Fridays, the Zelda MAN skit, The fully physics programmed “Gullivers Travels 2: Gullivers Revenge” stick figure fighting game, making obscureporn.com, engaging in a Spartan training program, hacking/ questionably legal stuff, my kickass gigantic capture the flag game, flaming nunchaku/whip, the Caleb Survival Guide, telling Henry Scher he is Caleb, the Triumvirate of me nick and david, the Great Trip, the Lesser Trip, Thermite, Neo-Darwinian Dogma, write a comic for silver chips, This versus That, changing construction road signs, senior magnet picnic, etc.

Now, by no means have I given up on any of these. I just don’t usually remember them enough to make any forward progress with them.

i will continue adding to this list if i remember more

nomadic toothbrushing

a short explanation of nomadic style of dental hygiene. It is a commonly used practice among people living in populated, community spaces, i.e. nuns, college students, military low ranks, mormons, etc.

it goes as such:

1. a person starts brushing ones teeth at a sink, then leaves the sink.

2. the person goes about their business, doing things the are capable of doing with one hand, i.e. converting heathens, masturbation, doing push ups, proposing marriage, etc.

3. when the person believes their brushing scenario to be complete, they return to ANY SINK, not necessarily the one of origin.

unknowing people watching this dance between man and sink have a hard time coping with the shock, and scientists believe this to be the next step in the evolutionary chain.

Stamm's Quote of the Week – 9/03/07

Ok, so it’s that time of the week again, or like that day of the week again, yeah you know what I mean.  Umm so like I wasn’t really prepared for this week because is came by pretty fast and all, but this quote comes all the way to us from someone named Anonymous.  I don’t really know if he said it, but I don’t know who said it, so as far as I’m concerned it was Anonymous.  Umm so like this quote is sort of a variation on something Confucius was said to have said.  The quote is:  “Be wary of those who have found, put your trust in those who are still searching.”

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