Because you can't find it anywhere else

Category: Ben’s A Moron

The Cage Fight

23:20 <benpedxing58> no you’re thinking of someone else

23:20 <mvid> i see

23:20 <benpedxing58> ok well g2g

23:21 <mvid> night

23:21 <benpedxing58> see you… in the cage

23:21 -!- benpedxing58 [bensfakeaddress@gmail.com] has quit [Leaving…]
As everyone can plainly see, Ben Strauss has challenged me to a cage fight. I have no choice but to accept. Details here:

Event

LIVEBLOG: The Ben-cident

Dateline: August 3rd, 2007. ~2200hrs.

Messr. Georgeford issues bennifer an order.

“Sir Ben,” says he, “Consider it your bounden duty to safeguard this glass. guard it with your life, soldier. i believe in you.”

“I shall guard and/or safe it with my life,” the resilient private confirmed. he had accepted his post with courage of monumental proportions.

Ben continued to put the glass to his mouth.

“Sir! you err!” his noble friends cried, knowing this would go poorly.

Acting foolishly, Eric asked ben to “eat it.” if only he knew what events were to come.

We all looked away. we laughed, we sang, we cried.

suddenly,

a drop of blood.

the tinkle of glass.

cries of profanity and confusion.

“prithee, BEN! what has occurred<interrobang>” said the greatest of those present, one Sir Shaagnik, an enormous example of magnanimous majesty.

but we all knew.

ben had bitten the glass, shattering it, along with any respect his colleagues felt for him.

Glass

as he continued to bleed for several minutes, one among he gentlemen pondered searching for “oral cut,” but they realized that would be unwelcome.

good night.

Update 10:34 PM: The bleeding continues, flow decreased. Further options considered.

Update 10:37 PM: Diego reports the bleeding has stopped. Visual confirmation required.

Update 10:39 PM: Exclusive quote from Ben: “You guys are such assholes, I swear. I’m watching you type this.”

EXCLUSIVE Update 10:46 PM: Ben says it’s still bleeding. Hardly bleeding. Could this spell a new turn in the Ben-cident saga? Time will tell…

Writing: Shagtaw, Photos: David