I totally forgot, the new issue (PDF, SFW, SASE) has been up for a few weeks. Don’t judge.
Category: Ben’s A Moron
looks like one of our writers is a TRAITOR
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/newfood/
scroll down until you find someone you recognize
ps. if you hit “straus” keep going. there’s another.
The Cage Fight
23:20 <benpedxing58> no you’re thinking of someone else
23:20 <mvid> i see
23:20 <benpedxing58> ok well g2g
23:21 <mvid> night
23:21 <benpedxing58> see you… in the cage
23:21 -!- benpedxing58 [bensfakeaddress@gmail.com] has quit [Leaving…]
As everyone can plainly see, Ben Strauss has challenged me to a cage fight. I have no choice but to accept. Details here:
LIVEBLOG: The Ben-cident
Dateline: August 3rd, 2007. ~2200hrs.
Messr. Georgeford issues bennifer an order.
“Sir Ben,” says he, “Consider it your bounden duty to safeguard this glass. guard it with your life, soldier. i believe in you.”
“I shall guard and/or safe it with my life,” the resilient private confirmed. he had accepted his post with courage of monumental proportions.
Ben continued to put the glass to his mouth.
“Sir! you err!” his noble friends cried, knowing this would go poorly.
Acting foolishly, Eric asked ben to “eat it.” if only he knew what events were to come.
We all looked away. we laughed, we sang, we cried.
suddenly,
a drop of blood.
the tinkle of glass.
cries of profanity and confusion.
“prithee, BEN! what has occurred<interrobang>” said the greatest of those present, one Sir Shaagnik, an enormous example of magnanimous majesty.
but we all knew.
ben had bitten the glass, shattering it, along with any respect his colleagues felt for him.
as he continued to bleed for several minutes, one among he gentlemen pondered searching for “oral cut,” but they realized that would be unwelcome.
good night.
Update 10:34 PM: The bleeding continues, flow decreased. Further options considered.
Update 10:37 PM: Diego reports the bleeding has stopped. Visual confirmation required.
Update 10:39 PM: Exclusive quote from Ben: “You guys are such assholes, I swear. I’m watching you type this.”
EXCLUSIVE Update 10:46 PM: Ben says it’s still bleeding. Hardly bleeding. Could this spell a new turn in the Ben-cident saga? Time will tell…
Writing: Shagtaw, Photos: David